ELIZABETHTOWN, KENTUCKY—Recent revealed, Slumerican's girlfriend, Cindy Smith (who wishes to remain anonymous) told insiders here at The Onion that Slumerican has, on more than one occasion, "grabbed me by the pussy." This revelation comes amidst a growing number of allegation of exhibiting sexual behavior towards his girlfriend behind closed doors. With the release last week of the infamous sex tape that shows him committing lewd acts that range from kissing Cindy's nipples to having sex with her in his own home, it is becoming difficult for his campaign to brush aside these stories. While he continues to deny that he did anything wrong, the media has had a field day with this causing his numbers to plummet in recent polls among non-voters. Our investigative team contacted several of his past girlfriends, only to discover that this pattern of behavior has been going on for years. His campaign manager prepared a statement in response to these allegations saying only "Fuck off."

We will keep you updated as more develops.